Adopting an allergy (How my life is now mostly Gluten free)

I do not have Celiacs disease or a gluten allergy but I now make almost all of my food choices based on that reality. My girlfriend was diagnosed with Celiacs 6 years ago and is one of the unfortunate ones with an extreme sensitivity to all gluten. So, she has to entirely avoid all wheat, rye, oats and barley. That is even worse than a lifelong Passover diet. At least then I can still eat Matzo turkey sandwiches. Even though I had actually heard of this rare disease before I met her I did have to take a lot of steps to fully understand what it all meant.

The first thing I did, as I would do with anything new, I did some research. Thanks to google and a number of cooking sites I found out what to look for in the foods I was purchasing and the meals I was making. Did you know that most Soy Sauce contains wheat? What about the use of bread crumbs in hamburger meat? I was shocked to so often look at a product label to see the little contains wheat at the bottom. So, for any prepackaged items that we are going to eat together I have to read the labels thoroughly before purchasing or just eat it all myself.

After boning up on what she could and could not eat I began to practice. I switched from regular pasta to rice pasta, used cornstarch instead of flour to bread chicken and started saving more and more gluten free recipes to my bookmarks. Then, I took stock of the things I already knew how to make and made sure that none of my ingredients had gluten in them. And thankfully my number one primo BBQ sauce was safe, good thing too, because everyone loves it. Now, most gluten free cooking focuses on baking, since I don’t bake I do not have to really worry about that, I leave that to her, but it did mean going out of my way for the Teriyaki sauce that does not contain wheat and a lot more purchases from Whole Foods because they sell the largest selection of gluten free bagels. I am told Kinnikinnick is the best. In the fridge we keep separate condiments so I don’t contaminate the butter or cream cheese. All in all the homefront while not entirely gluten free has become a celiac safe zone.

The same can not be said for many restaurants and so the choices we have for dining out are a bit limited. Still, it’s hard to go wrong with many Asian and Latin American foods where they predominantly use rice or corn. Though I think the best thing is finding a place that caters to the gluten free crowd. We are still searching for great ones in DC but ended up planning an entire weekend in New York City around the gluten free places we could eat. At Friedman’s Deli in Chelsea market they even had a separate fryer dedicated to GF French fries. At Petit café they sold GF sandwiches and French toast; we actually ate there two days in a row. In the local area the only place that sticks out is Wildfire at Tysons corner with their gluten free menu that includes a GF beer. But that does not mean I am not still looking.

It’s amazing how over the last year one person has so completely changed the way I think about food.

No one is going to read this

Can you return to your blog after 13 months off? Probably not, so this may just be a one off post. And if so it is probably just going to be read by one person. Anyway, here goes.

A little over a year ago I was still in my sling and stitches from my shoulder surgery and put up the first post I had written in over 6 months. Clearly, I was not doing much writing even before I gave it up. And its not that things were not happening but more that my life had taken on a cyclical nature. It is hard to get excited about writing a post about something you did last summer or last fall. Still, in that lack of enthusiasm to write about the things that seemed to keep recurring in my life (Gator football, beach trips to Delaware, boring work travel, trips to Vegas, weekends in NYC…) I did miss some new stuff that maybe deserved a nod from me.

So, in hopefully not too many words here is what has been going on since that one liner from June 08.

I had a Bankhart Repair and capsular shift on June 8^th, 2008. It was a relatively quick arthroscopic procedure that left me with three tiny scars. I spent the following three weeks in a sling and living on percocet. In July, I got to take the sling off and began physical therapy. Then for the next 12 weeks I was in the PT clinic 2-3 times a week. But, that doesn’t mean I left PT behind in September when my time there was done. No, I was given a nice home workout program and just for good measure decided it would be a good idea to have my own physical therapy aide, so I started dating one.

I don’t know how common or cliché starting a relationship like this is but I imagine it isn’t rare. The details, well not details, but a little background goes like this. My surgeon works a few floors above the clinic I ended up going to, so a week after my surgery during my first check up he sent me downstairs to set up my appts for the following month. As cheesy as it sounds I noticed her right away, it was just a quick glimpse while I was up front setting up appointments and she was walking around the back working with patients. Then I left, went about my life for three weeks and finally returned for therapy. Becoming friends was easy, and trust me it is better to have your therapist and aides on your side than not. After all, their job is to push you to get better and sometimes that sucks. One of my first memories of the girl was her sarcastically mocking my range of motion. After that the next 10 weeks played out pretty low key, she went to work, I went to do my exercises and I noticed that I definitely looked forward to seeing her and was upset on the days her shift and my session did not overlap. With only a few weeks left we ended up at a happy hour together with some other people from the clinic and things took off from there. A week later I was done with therapy and we had plans to hang out again.

The next six weeks played out like I’m sure most new relationships do. We weren’t really sure if it was going anywhere or if there was more than just a fleeting attraction there. After Halloween though, we were definitely dating and seeing each other regularly. Now, I rarely go a day without seeing her. We spent 4 days camping out at Bonnaroo and survived. We spent a weekend in New York City. She met my sister in Las Vegas (btw, my sister lives in Las Vegas, you can find her bartending at Lavo). I got her an awesome Albert Tshirt for Christmas and though she could care less about football she did watch the SECCG with me on my birthday and sent me text messages cheering on the Gators during the BCSCG.

Sorry this post has turned into a “Me and My Girlfriend” story but that has really been the past year of my life. Ask me what I am doing today or what I did yesterday and my responses will inevitably go something like this, “We are going to a party” or “We are having dinner” or “We went to a show”.

Everything else is pretty much the same as it was a year ago, but it all seems so different.

I’m so fucked part 2

Since its been a while and I have had nothing to say at all since announcing my coming departure from the DC area I thought I would give the latest update in the saga that is The Girl. When I wrote that story before our lunch together I said no matter what happens this ends badly for me. I was wrong, totally and completely wrong, because nothing can end badly that just wont end. But to get to why this won’t seem to end I need to explain exactly what has happened since that day we met for lunch for the first time in a few years.

 

It was a few weeks ago now when we met up for lunch in Georgetown, Easter Sunday actually, so the area was actually a little packed. We met up, walked around, had a quick lunch and caught up on each others lives. After lunch neither of us was in a hurry to go separate ways so we grabbed coffee and continued walking around Georgetown. It is amazing how fast we can return to our old habits; within minutes of walking around together we were subtly touching as we strolled. Not obvious or blatant, no holding hands or an arm around the shoulder, but constant contact, a hand on the back or a graze of the shoulder. This went on for a while as she dragged me along while she shopped for clothes and asked my opinions, nothing new for me; I was practically raised watching girls shop for clothes. But, eventually we did have to go, she went to work and I headed out to catch a concert with AM. Since that day however, the story does not take any exciting or dramatic turns, we talk; I obsessed for a few days and then decided to make a change in my life which I thought would end this silly thing.

 

Some may not call this silly, they would think it is sweet or normal but I found my behavior over the next few days odd. Emotional? Irrational? Doubtful? These are things that are just not me. Yet, there I was displaying all of them at one time or another, thankfully, as the week after went by and I did not see her again the feelings went away and I returned to my normal self. It was like a drug wearing off, while the effects were waning all I could think of was it and getting more, but once it was out of my system I could move on. So, after I felt normal again I returned to the sparing conversation with her I was used to, a text here or there, an IM conversation a few times a week and I even wished her a Happy Birthday without much fanfare. Around this time I made a decision completely independent of anything having to do with her, based solely on my desires I put in motion the plan to move to NYC this summer.

 

This is where the story should end, it’s logical; a physical separation of almost 200 miles does not have the same impact as the 15 miles we currently live apart. I made the decision to move about two weeks ago now, and since then I have slowly told just about everyone I know, except her. I don’t know why I was waiting or why I felt like I couldn’t just tell her when I told everyone else but I didn’t. Until last night. Last night as I was working for the second weekend in a row I see her IM pop up on my screen. The normal pleasantries are passed and we discuss our plans for the evening. And she tells me that she is in NY visiting friends, I say great I will be up there in two weeks. She says she does not want to leave and seeing a perfect opening, I tell her that’s why I am going up in a few weeks. I am looking for a place to live because I am moving there in July. Given the nature of online conversation I have no idea what the reaction was, but the response was a simple one “I am following you in September”. After I took that in, we talked about neighborhoods and where we would like to live and whether we could afford it or not. Then we said goodbye and I was left with this to sleep on. Does this change anything? Does it mean anything? Will it even affect me at all? Oh, the questions my mind will ask in moments of silence without ever providing an answer. No, it doesn’t change anything, I am still moving, and that will be easy even if the moving on wont be. One day I will ask her why it is that year after year we push each other away only to end up right back in each others lives. Maybe I just need to ask her the questions I ask myself.

I’m so fucked

A few days ago I made plans to have lunch with the “girl” and immediately after doing that I wrote down the title to this post. I left it there until this morning where I am now just hours from going to meet her. I hoped that feeling would change over the few days in between, but they haven’t. The way I see it I am fucked no matter the outcome of this lunch. We live 15 minutes apart and have not seen each other in over 2 years, just started speaking again in December and I have tried numerous times to put her safely in my past. I told her I would rather just have the memories and move on with my life, but that never lasts. I never go through with it fully, sure I delete her from my phone, take her off my IM but I never stop thinking about her. And because of that everyone has to deal with comparisons to her whether they know it or not, usually not. And that is completely unfair. The problem with lunch today is that I see no way that it leads towards the closure of this relationship. It is more likely to pry it open just a little more than it had been over the past few years.  But if we are reopening doors instead of closing them, what are we reopening it for? I have no idea how to be friends with her, but so much time has passed that I am not even sure I really know her anymore either.

 

Ultimately, I am fucked no matter how this plays out and I know there are only a few ways that it will. Either things will go well or they wont, if they do I will want to see her more. This has happened before and did not end well for me, as she was flakier than ever when trying to make plans. Things could go poorly and we could finally go our separate ways which will still take some time to digest after all these years. Or we could become friends, something we have never been, and I am not sure it is something I really want.

 

This would all be so much easier if there wasn’t a total comfort and familiarity there. No matter the amount of time in between seeing each other it feels like nothing has changed. So, I am scared, that pretty much explains it all, after always choosing partners in situations where I have an emotional upper hand or never getting close enough to the ones who could be on that level with me, I am walking into a situation where I am vulnerable to the whims of another.